UNhappiness....

Since yesterday, I was not happy. As day passes, I seriously felt that there's something missing.
I understand that you are not in the mood to be in relationship, I am willing to give you your freedom.

If you ask me, I am not really happy of you going clubbing, going cybercafe too often. In my heart, I really mind, and how I wish you are not interested in those. In fact, I never thought that I would allow you to do so. I am happy to see you happy..but if I really think of it, I feel sad. I felt that I am doing things not in my favour just to please you. I wonder whether you realise. Actually, I am afraid that you might think I am a control queen, that's why I gave you lots of freedom, but recently I have been thinking whether I am doing the right thing. I felt as though the more freedom I give you, the more you are leaving me aside, the further you are from me.
The first thing I don't want to control it's because I respect your privacy, and I don't want you to hide any secrets from me. If I tend to set rules, you will be fed up, tend to lie. The main point is, I HATE LIES...

Time passed just like that, even we are couples, I sometimes doubt whether we still are now. You treat me more like a friend, maybe a close friend. Do you know how do I feel when you said, " how nice if you are a guy.." My mind was totally blank. Sometimes, I felt that it's unfair for me as I still really care about you, I make a it a point so take you can feel me loving you. Seriously, I felt that I am more like a vase for you as the time passed, maybe your favourite vase??

Today, I went out with my classmates to Sunway Pyramid to have lunch. Today is the 1st day I crapped that much in my life. What I said is either unreasonable or just nonsense..I don't normally say stuff like that. Somehow, it makes me feel happier, at least someone is listening and will laugh when I talked or joke. Even in msn, I crapped..me myself don't even understand what is the intention of me doing like that....perhaps just releasing my bad mood..I felt like telling you, but I don't know how should I tell you. You are enjoying your life, you are happy with your life style now. By the way, I am no one to forbid you, at least you won't be happy..The thing is, you already told me you are unable to give me what I want now. How long should I wait, that's the question..I am just waiting and have been waiting...Is it fair for me. Is the same as I am playing the game on my own which is so sad. Frankly speaking, I am doing my part to make you satisfy and happy, are you doing your part? I tolerate you well enough but did you tolerate me and understand my feeling as a girl?