Thoughts~~~

Things have been tough lately..I have issues with myself, studies, exams...Studies and exams itself could actually drive me crazy, I wonder why.. The word crazy here doesn't mean nuts..What I meant was actually..sort of change of character, each time when exam is near, I tend to have the "leave me alone" attitude. From no where, the character will appear on the surface, then is when I will have the most rebellious character of mine, seeking for freedom and those kind of thoughts which I do not normally have, example, I would actually thought of going to KL alone, switching my handphone off and shop whole day(window shopping), or even the thoughts of leaving Selangor to go to other states( but not Kuantan) just to be alone. On the other hand, this is also the time where I seek for fun and entertainment the most, dramas, movies, is so so hard to actually control myself not to have ideal time, AND I sleep a lot too..the urge to nap and delaying the time to wake up, then I don't have to face the hectic life. Perhaps, this is defined as self denial..is this a coward attitude? I wonder..O.o


Frankly speaking, I have been starting to wonder a lot whether I am those kind of cold blooded girl with a stoned heart..During usual times, I do feel happy, excited, sad, mixed feelings..but during exam period, or near exam period, other than frustration, it's only frustration..tiredness too. How I wish I could actually "shoo" those negative character of mine far far away. Sad to say that, the victim will be my bf, David Yuen..He will have to bear those sour faces of mine, my bad temper, my selfishness...=( Of course, I do feel sorry and it's never my intention, but out of no where, those kind of attitude of mine just show up.."Poop , they are here!", as if they are some kind of magic..how weird..and I DON'T like it (Sorry dear..=( )..Are those kind of character embedded in me, where it is already rooted deep down my heart? I hope not..seriously, it's kinda scary ....when me is not me..or me am myself, the true version, which is scarier?? Oh gosh, I prefer the 1st one..


I do believe that deep inside everyone's heart, there is a hidden corner for some hidden feelings and thoughts..perhaps you urself don't even realise it. It has been about a year I broke up with my ex bf. I don't normally think about him, the most, I will be thinking how is he doing right now, wondering how is he coping with his life. Recently I have been hit by weird thoughts which I have not came across for a long time..those memories which have not been appearing in my brain for some time, appear to me out of sudden. It can be during bathing or walking, anytime..is weird. I remembered how we both were friends then and how we became couple..those horrible arguments, meaningless arguments, aggresive arguments( I threw keys at him) ..as if I am watching the stories if my past..Good and bad..However, when I thought it now, it reminded me of how childish were we, how angry and scary can we both be...perhaps we both were aggresive and violent? Thank God we did not end up with bruises all over. Actually, I do wish that we both can end up as friends. Too bad,perhaps we are not meant to be friends anymore..maybe forgive and forget isn't that easy after all or maybe it's better if we remain like this..well..who knows..and I am not gonna think bout it..


Other than those above, I do think about my current bf as well, how I actually got to know my current bf..how we got to know each other...our 1st breakfast together..and how I actually labelled him as an arrogant guy before we got to together..well..who knows right, I ended up with my so called "the arrogant guy" ( gosh, he better don't kill me for this..hehe ^.^) Till now I still believe that he came as my angel and is such a blessings for me to have him. He is a guy, who is gentle with girls, especially his gf ( me)..he rarely shows sour face ( the opposite of me during exams) nor release temper on me ( the opposite of me too ..this is bad bad bad , my bad) . He showers me with care, kindness and lots , lots , lots of love...I know, he is just so loving..but I don't know why I cant just treat him better and better each day..ended up giving him more than ever headaches and heartaches ( hope that I will not have such kids in future) haiz..is such a pity that a girl like me who have actually "misuse" his love and kindness..or the better phrase, taken him for granted..=( I realise them and I seriously wanted to CHANGE..from the heart within..=) Praying hard but those temptations...I just have to get over them ..arrrgh..too much of something is obsession ..which is no no good..(referring to my studies at times)


Hmm..I feel that I AM RANDOM in this blog..haha..well..who cares. just to release my random and weird thoughts..hahaha..well..I enjoy being "syok sendiri" . I think I ended up being happier after blogging afterall..the excitement out of sudden..for no reason ( not taking any medicine) ..again= WEIRD . Again..time to continue work..time is limited..Go Go Go..but not gona be obsess with it. Bye dear blog! =)


p/s: -My dear is sick, pity him (XOXO) and is exam week, good luck for both of us. May God Bless US . -Found out that the new series "Vampire Diaries" is nice. Check it out.