Special? Weird or Unique?

Today I followed someone to a church, at first I thought it will be like normal church, praising and worship but NO!! It's so differerent. First time in my life, been to a church, with member age between 20 to early 30s..most of the girls there are models, so in other words, many pretty girls!

Basically, it does not look like a church to me, cause no 'Cross-+' there, and those who were there were wearing formal dresses and shirt for guys. so it's different it's like a gathering place for young people rather than a church..Other than that, part of the speech were in Cantonese, some songs and words in bible I think, in korean.

I was told that the founder of this church is a Korean..hmm wondering which church is the "correct" one, means with correct theory..anyway, is a very good experience as I get to know something new, it really "open my eyes"!


p/s: TO my dear/ Xin Yan/ Golden chimp/ Silver chimp/ Bronze chimp/ Chromosome or watever as long as is my dear who reads this, thanks for your comment! Hugs and muacks!!
Hahaha..dont wry, only 2 have excess to my blog so not many will know ur nick..haha..miss u!Shall meet u in MSN! :)

Dull....

Hmm...I have been in Sunway University College for a week already..so far so good, life here is simple (I don't get to go out late and night..due to rules)..haha, in other words I have to be obedient, no late nights at mamak stall like I used to.

Yesterday went to Sunway Pyramid almost whole day with Yee Lin, havent seen her for quite some time, pretty already!!! I bought 2 blouse with, both cost LESS THAN RM 20..that's cheap !

Since yesterday went out, haiz..today have to study extra harder, I started studying from morning till now, so many things in my brain..now stuck..trying to understand high/low method with stepped fixed cost..hmm,wondering what to have for dinner, lazy to step out of my room ..:P..that's it for this time...continue my studies...;)

Yesterday and today

Haha..today is my first day of class, luckily I am able to find my way to Lecture Theater 2..confusing though. On the very first day, the lecturer was late for an hour. Hmm..heard that he is not a very responsible lecturer but then he has a very good sense of humour.

Ok, now flash back to what happen yesterday. I went to My Place Apartment. Haha..Shalini cooked me a wonderful lunch. Yummy yummy, but I actually paid RM 7 for that due to the taxi fare to get to SS 15..so expensive. Anyway, once in a blue moon and I get to meet up with my caring housemates not too bad la, but still a big hole in my pocket.

While I was happy gigling with them, I received a call from Hong..I was happy to receive his call, well, it happens all the time. But then, he was not happy because of incident related to assignment, immediately my heart sank, I somehow felt his unhappiness too..wish that I can comfort him or give him a hug to make him feel better. The fact is I am no more his "special" friend...have to face the reality, I cant be living in my past too. ..:( Any how, I just wish that everything is fine for him. He is a tough guy, I think he can face it whatever happens...support him if what he is doing is right!!:o)

Oh ya, today I went to the library, wow..it's big but not as beautiful as INTI's new library..too bad. The library and the lecture theaters are very cold, I think I should get myself some new long sleeve shirt..hahaha..(excuse to buy new clothes).

Overall, first day of class is not too bad la..get to know a few friends..Adelyn, Chan Joo, Stephanie, Sheng Sian..Thanks for having lunch with me..:o)..I think I am the "noisiest" among them, must zip my mouth next time..hehe..looking forward to tomorrow's class.....

Coward??

It has been months since I am back to my hometown, I am going backk to college very soon. With just a blink of an eye, my life change. It would never be the same. I felt dat I 've lost someone whom I care so much, love so much, the very first person that give me this feeling.

Thinking for quite sometime, am I a coward? I seem to be running away from problems..being a very good actress as well. Wearing mask whenever I go with the happy smiling face, sunshine bright smile with sparkling teeth. It's just a MASK! Deep within me, I am very sad, my heart is painful, full of scars, old and new. How I wish I can just heal it immediately. Who should I blame? NO one...as I hurt myself, due to my stubborness, selfishness..

I think everyone will be asking, why not be myself. Why I act as if I can accept evrything and be happy when I am not. There's only one explanation, I dont want to hurt anyone anymore, not my family, not my friends, not the people I care. I know, I am stupid as no one will appreciate that but then I felt slightly better, at least not feeling guilty. i just dont want to live a life full of guiltiness and being named as "a bad girl".

After a year, I finally decided to do so, it has been a month now, but then I cant even forget even 1 % of those memories. Everyday I am haunted by my past, those happy and sad memories.
Thought of how sweet were life, how we have undergone obtacles together, how we have done things together; how did he care for me and stood by my side. I am always thinking, why must I face this problem, why ME?? Why cant I be like others, free to express their thoughts and feelings, free to show their real self..Maybe I am too weak, unable to accept slight failure, therefore, thinking that "not to think" will be the best solution..hahaha, it's wrong! The worst part of my life when I try hard not to think as I think of it almost every single minute. I regretted for what I said, but do I have any other chance? No, because I might hurt more than 2 parties if i drag this for a longer period. I tried to hide my feelings, but it's exploding, he is right, is not that easy to forget and let go of everything, I am the childish one. Do I have any chance now? Dont think so, as I am not able to be myself yet. Feel like going near him, but so near yet so far, I am just not able to reach him, because I gave up half way...

Things seem fine now, like a calm sea..but I know, deep within my heart, the place for him is still there, it will be there, till the day he find his happiness..