Everything is over. Totally break up in the sense that I don't think we will be talking again for a very long period. I don't know whether I did the right thing but I just can't afford to take as if nothing happen, not to say I refuse to tolerate already, but I just cant take it. I felt so distracted from my studies. I can't read anything. I am very depressed. I know this is the time he needed most support from me, yet I am not understanding and chose to leave him.
What is left is only memories, even hatred from him, as I think he would most probably treat me as an enemy or whatsoever. Last few messages from him really hurt me deeply, but what he said was true, if really want to break up, is better we have no connection at all. Everything deleted from his mind, things from me will end up in the basket.
Haha..I asked for it, I get it, worst than what I ever thought. Not even friends, he chose it that way. NO matter how I wanted, at least we can be friends, that's my wish. Hopefully all unhappy things will end soon. I am tired of being sad..again and again..I know it's my own problem but I just cant help to stop myself from thinking. Anyhow, I promised myself, I will stand up again..I don't know what are my feelings now but I felt very weak, mentally and physically...my flu takes a part most probably...
I am thinking, maybe this will also be the last blog from me in this page, or perhaps not. Frankly speaking, this blog is created for him so that he has hint about how I really felt when things went wrong, to understand my feelings. As he won't be reading it again..it doesnt serve its main objective. If I can overcome my fear and blog here again, it will be a very a sign of me getting better, tougher, stronger.
Thanks Hong for giving me such a sweet memories, will stay in my mind for a long time...sincerely wish him all the best.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Is it the end? Perhaps..
Again, I received messages from unknown person, as if the history is going to repeat itself..about the same case, flirting with girls, hugging them ,go clubbing often...stuff like that, seriously,I am fed up of those messages..but they make me think, analyse, how far is it true..
You promised me, you will not repeat the same mistake..I remember what u said and kept that in mind. What I realise was, the more I care for you, love you, the further you are getting away from me. I hardly understand what's in your mind. Calls lesser, sms lesser.." I am afraid you and me will be sien one day, cause I think of future.." What does that suppose to mean, already getting bored of me? Seems so...and I even found out you told others u are bored of me..Anyway, I already felt so..felt that I am no more the girl you miss..
Seriously, I don't know what should I do, what should I trust, or who should I trust..not to say I don't want to trust you, I did trust you, but what you are doing now, makes me hard to trust you. I don't want to sob again because of the same problem, I find myself so stupid and silly..
I know you are facing problem, wanted to console you, but I just don't want to do it..cause what I did, I can't feel you appreciate, why not save my energy and do my stuff? Since you like what you are doing, go ahead, no one will stop you from clubbing, smoke, Dota..just do whatever you want. No one will stop you, no one will nag or complain you again. Just wish you will take care of yourself, you are a tough guy, will have bright future if you work hard, your future is in your hands, no one can change you, only you yourself. Hope you remember what I told you in sms, family will be the one who never betrays you. These will be my last piece of advice for you. All the best. Take care.
You promised me, you will not repeat the same mistake..I remember what u said and kept that in mind. What I realise was, the more I care for you, love you, the further you are getting away from me. I hardly understand what's in your mind. Calls lesser, sms lesser.." I am afraid you and me will be sien one day, cause I think of future.." What does that suppose to mean, already getting bored of me? Seems so...and I even found out you told others u are bored of me..Anyway, I already felt so..felt that I am no more the girl you miss..
Seriously, I don't know what should I do, what should I trust, or who should I trust..not to say I don't want to trust you, I did trust you, but what you are doing now, makes me hard to trust you. I don't want to sob again because of the same problem, I find myself so stupid and silly..
I know you are facing problem, wanted to console you, but I just don't want to do it..cause what I did, I can't feel you appreciate, why not save my energy and do my stuff? Since you like what you are doing, go ahead, no one will stop you from clubbing, smoke, Dota..just do whatever you want. No one will stop you, no one will nag or complain you again. Just wish you will take care of yourself, you are a tough guy, will have bright future if you work hard, your future is in your hands, no one can change you, only you yourself. Hope you remember what I told you in sms, family will be the one who never betrays you. These will be my last piece of advice for you. All the best. Take care.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
UNhappiness....
Since yesterday, I was not happy. As day passes, I seriously felt that there's something missing.
I understand that you are not in the mood to be in relationship, I am willing to give you your freedom.
If you ask me, I am not really happy of you going clubbing, going cybercafe too often. In my heart, I really mind, and how I wish you are not interested in those. In fact, I never thought that I would allow you to do so. I am happy to see you happy..but if I really think of it, I feel sad. I felt that I am doing things not in my favour just to please you. I wonder whether you realise. Actually, I am afraid that you might think I am a control queen, that's why I gave you lots of freedom, but recently I have been thinking whether I am doing the right thing. I felt as though the more freedom I give you, the more you are leaving me aside, the further you are from me.
The first thing I don't want to control it's because I respect your privacy, and I don't want you to hide any secrets from me. If I tend to set rules, you will be fed up, tend to lie. The main point is, I HATE LIES...
Time passed just like that, even we are couples, I sometimes doubt whether we still are now. You treat me more like a friend, maybe a close friend. Do you know how do I feel when you said, " how nice if you are a guy.." My mind was totally blank. Sometimes, I felt that it's unfair for me as I still really care about you, I make a it a point so take you can feel me loving you. Seriously, I felt that I am more like a vase for you as the time passed, maybe your favourite vase??
Today, I went out with my classmates to Sunway Pyramid to have lunch. Today is the 1st day I crapped that much in my life. What I said is either unreasonable or just nonsense..I don't normally say stuff like that. Somehow, it makes me feel happier, at least someone is listening and will laugh when I talked or joke. Even in msn, I crapped..me myself don't even understand what is the intention of me doing like that....perhaps just releasing my bad mood..I felt like telling you, but I don't know how should I tell you. You are enjoying your life, you are happy with your life style now. By the way, I am no one to forbid you, at least you won't be happy..The thing is, you already told me you are unable to give me what I want now. How long should I wait, that's the question..I am just waiting and have been waiting...Is it fair for me. Is the same as I am playing the game on my own which is so sad. Frankly speaking, I am doing my part to make you satisfy and happy, are you doing your part? I tolerate you well enough but did you tolerate me and understand my feeling as a girl?
I understand that you are not in the mood to be in relationship, I am willing to give you your freedom.
If you ask me, I am not really happy of you going clubbing, going cybercafe too often. In my heart, I really mind, and how I wish you are not interested in those. In fact, I never thought that I would allow you to do so. I am happy to see you happy..but if I really think of it, I feel sad. I felt that I am doing things not in my favour just to please you. I wonder whether you realise. Actually, I am afraid that you might think I am a control queen, that's why I gave you lots of freedom, but recently I have been thinking whether I am doing the right thing. I felt as though the more freedom I give you, the more you are leaving me aside, the further you are from me.
The first thing I don't want to control it's because I respect your privacy, and I don't want you to hide any secrets from me. If I tend to set rules, you will be fed up, tend to lie. The main point is, I HATE LIES...
Time passed just like that, even we are couples, I sometimes doubt whether we still are now. You treat me more like a friend, maybe a close friend. Do you know how do I feel when you said, " how nice if you are a guy.." My mind was totally blank. Sometimes, I felt that it's unfair for me as I still really care about you, I make a it a point so take you can feel me loving you. Seriously, I felt that I am more like a vase for you as the time passed, maybe your favourite vase??
Today, I went out with my classmates to Sunway Pyramid to have lunch. Today is the 1st day I crapped that much in my life. What I said is either unreasonable or just nonsense..I don't normally say stuff like that. Somehow, it makes me feel happier, at least someone is listening and will laugh when I talked or joke. Even in msn, I crapped..me myself don't even understand what is the intention of me doing like that....perhaps just releasing my bad mood..I felt like telling you, but I don't know how should I tell you. You are enjoying your life, you are happy with your life style now. By the way, I am no one to forbid you, at least you won't be happy..The thing is, you already told me you are unable to give me what I want now. How long should I wait, that's the question..I am just waiting and have been waiting...Is it fair for me. Is the same as I am playing the game on my own which is so sad. Frankly speaking, I am doing my part to make you satisfy and happy, are you doing your part? I tolerate you well enough but did you tolerate me and understand my feeling as a girl?
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